The Last Year

I know it’s been almost a year since I have posted anything on my blog. I guess that’s not good. But it’s been difficult to even type the web address in my browser. I’ve been through the ringer this past year. I just couldn’t face any more family history, couldn’t face anything. I just didn’t have the heart for anything. I wanted to give up.

I had a couple of posts in the pipeline last April when I woke up on Sunday morning the 26th. I walked in the living room to find my mother had died in her sleep. I had just seen her sleeping peacefully the hour before. I was heartbroken. Our relationship had never been the best since I was a teenager, but in the last few months we had been able to put a lot of that behind us. I had done some work on her part of the tree, but I was one of the few among the family doing so and it was so hard to find any scrap of information. I’d often put it to the side to unconsciously think about how to deal with some of the problems that had cropped up. One of the posts in the pipeline when she died was about her maternal grandparents. I was finding my groove and hoping that would help me find her ancestors. I went on to publish that because I just didn’t want it sitting around until I could deal.

The next month was Memorial Day. I decided to honor her grandmother’s brother who had died at sea. Even grieving as I was, I couldn’t let Memorial Day pass me by. But I couldn’t face spending a lot of time at the computer writing. So I found a Facebook post I had done a couple of years before and simple cut and paste solved my problem. I went back to my grief.

I stayed there and didn’t give a damn about this blog.

Move forward to late August/early September. I find out my best friend was in the final stages of lung cancer. She passed away not long after. I had done work on her family tree and many of my posts here were about her family because I wanted to find a way to share everything I had at once.

So between her family and mine, I was too grieved to think about writing anything for this blog. Not only did I not write, I didn’t do research. Certainly, some things crossed my mind and I might do a random Google search or two, but nothing more complicated than that.

It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks that I even thought about returning to family history. I had grieved and cried until I didn’t think I had anything left inside. I visited both my mother’s and friend’s grave and had a long thinking spell. I came to the conclusion that they would want me to stop beating myself up grieving and would want me to continue researching if I so chose. But I felt they wanted it be my choice that had nothing to do with how I felt about them.

So I reluctantly agreed. It took me a few more days to pull up my blog’s dashboard to write this post. But I did and here I am.

Through the last months I’ve kept up with the stats through the WordPress app. People were still looking. I am grateful and that played a part in my return. People are looking for something here and I want to be able to give it to them if I can.

If you’ve had patience with me and this blog this far, I greatly appreciate it. Really, I do.

Give me a few days and maybe there will be something to pique your interest.